I Love YouWhat?
by Novice24
Summary: A multi chapter story of what happens with Eleanor after Jasper tells her he loves her and she leaves with Sebastian. How will she deal with this and how will she move forward with her life? The pros and cons of their relationship may help her out with that. This is my first fanfic and I've loved writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 **She was leaving….really leaving. I stealthily watched from her bedroom window as she walked down the stone steps, turned to take a long, last, look at the castle and then gracefully slide those legs into the back of the car. How I would miss those legs, that gorgeous mane of hair, that smile that she only shared with me, that wicked look when she thought she was winning…there was nothing about her that I didn't love. But telling her hadn't brought the result I wanted. Or thought I wanted. I wasn't sure at this point. I wanted her here with me, or me there with her, but I wanted her to be happy, to do what made her happy. She deserved this.**

 **How could loving someone be so hard? Was it like this for everyone, or just Eleanor and I? I had no idea. I'd never loved anyone before. Or ever been loved. She used to say she didn't deserve to be loved, but honestly, neither did I. It was one of the things that made us "perfect" for each other. She had said that. That I was perfect for her, and she for me. Then I had messed it up. Again.**

 **And now, she was leaving. My girl, my princess, my Eleanor.**

 _I slowly walked down the front steps to the waiting car. I purposely took my time, put a little extra sway in my hips, and then turned to take a long, last look at the castle, my home, before sliding into the car. I had done all of this in the hopes that he was watching. Knowing he'd be watching. I hadn't spoken to him since he left my room yesterday, in pursuit of my brother. Robbie always did have awful timing….he couldn't have waited to sneak away?_

 _I was on edge as the car pulled away, still unsure that this was the right decision. I wanted this. I needed this. I had to take responsibility for my own life and do what would make me happy. My Dad had said it was my time to be great. I hoped so._

 _Sebastian thought it was. He had encouraged me, offered me this opportunity, and made it all sound easy. Exciting. He said I needed to think of myself for once. He was probably right._

 _But there was one big obstacle ….Jasper._


	2. Chapter 2

**As the rear of the car cleared the gates I wondered how I would, or could, survive without her in my day. I could. I was a survivor. I had always had to take**

 **care of myself;** **I would do it again. I would hate every minute of it, every day of the 6 months. I would throw myself into my work and pray that time**

 **passed quickly. That my words had** **meant something to her. That she would return to the castle, to me. That she wouldn't Leave Us Behind.**

 _"As we boarded Sebastian's private jet I could feel the calm. He understands how hard this is on me. Leaving my family, my duties, Liam, and mostly… Jasper. But he says I_

 _have to think of me for once. I hope he's right. Our first stop, Monaco. I always loved Monaco. It would be fun to spend time there. Liam and I had great times there in the_

 _past, and our fair share of crazy events too. Beck, Ophelia, Ashok…the arrow debacle. That trip was a disaster. Maybe I could convince Liam to come and visit while I'm_

 _here. I'll pour on_ _some twin guilt. He'll ease my feeling of homesickness._

 _I put my earbuds in so that I could have some quiet time to think. Clear my head. Work things out. Between the Coronation, the party, last minute packing and goodbyes, I_

 _hadn't had a moment to process any of what Jasper had said yesterday. He "loves" me. What? Where did that come from? And what was he going on about "Happily ever_

 _after"? Like in his storybook? Could it be true? Was it just because I was leaving? I couldn't get his final words out of my head "You're my girl Princess and I'm going to love_

 _you no matter what." I was going to need longer than this flight to figure this out. And definitely a drink or two._

 **I have to get my shit together. Now that I'm working as King Robert's security detail I have to be on top of my game. Stop being distracted. He already has**

 **it in for me. I'm American and not "Good enough" for his only sister. If I could just stop looking for her in every room I enter, every hallway I walk down,**

 **on the security cameras. I keep expecting (hoping?) to turn a corner and run into her. My brain hasn't accepted that she's not here. That she won't be for**

 **months. James has noticed and asked me more than once if I'm okay. I can't honestly answer. I don't know.**

 **It's only been 3 days. 3 days of no sleep. My bed sucks. I've thought of sneaking into her room and sleeping in her bed. Robert would have me hung for**

 **that. I can't get her voice out of my head. I'm in such a fog. I feel as if I'm constantly hungover. How did she get such control over me? When did I let that**

 **happen? I'm fighting myself to not text her. She never had a chance to answer me after I spilt my heart out to her. Told her that she's my girl. That I'm**

 **going to love her no matter what. It's her move now. I have to wait. I can't stop wondering, does Eleanor miss me as much as I miss her? Or at all?**

 **Maybe I'll go grab Liam for a drink. See if he has any advice that isn't shit.**

 _It's been 3 days. Three whirlwind days. Sebastian has kept me busy non-stop. I think it's his way of keeping me from being homesick. It's only just working….and only during_

 _the day. The Monaco resort location is breathtaking. The potential of what we can make it into is limitless. I have a million ideas and hope Sebastian has the millions to_

 _cover it all._ _He hasn't balked at anything I've suggested thus far and has had some great ideas to contribute. His style sense is impeccable, and like me he's willing to take a_

 _risk. He's_ _tried to get me to go out and enjoy the Monaco nightlife with him, but I've feigned being too tired. He hasn't pushed it. I hope he can accept a "Friends only"_

 _partnership. I can't_ _give more._

 _Honestly, I'm in need of alone time. I have spent that time replaying that final conversation with Jasper in my head a million goddamn times, and still it's no clearer to me._

 _Maybe a step by step analysis will help me work it out. Like I do when I'm designing. Pros and cons. Huh...cons...in relationship_ _to Jasper. That's rich. It's worth a shot. I_

 _can't take another sleepless night of Jasper's voice playing in my head over and over._

 _I pour myself a drink and curl up on the couch in my suite. I pull out my journal and open to a clean page. Here goes….First: I love You. No, that will have to be last. I can't_

 _deal with that as First._

 _"New First: The Christmas Gift he didn't give me…._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Drinks with Liam were a bust. We are shit at giving each other advice. Maybe it's the pints that are to blame. He is still reeling from Katherine telling him "this is how it's supposed to be." I think he is in worse shape than I am. At least Eleanor didn't tell me that…although she didn't really get the chance to tell me anything. My mind is spinning with what she would have said. If only Rosie hadn't had to come for me. If only King Robert hadn't snuck out…and to see Katherine! I'll keep that info from Liam.**

 **Liam has had only a text from Eleanor this week. He says she's busy and wants him to join her in Monaco for a weekend. That reminds me of the last Monaco trip. The one where she ditched me, and ended up with Beck. Now she's there with Sebastian. I think I hate Monaco. I have to figure out how I can go with him. Maybe as his security detail? Robert is keeping a tight watch on anything to do with Eleanor and me. He certainly won't be agreeable to this and I can't chance going to jail for defying him. It will have to be legit. Hopefully James will be on board and make it happen. Thank God he knows how much I love her; and is a willing partner in our escapades. Will she be glad if I show up? Will she be mad?**

 _It's been 2 weeks. Two weeks of designing, planning, shopping, consulting, crazy long hours. It's been unbelievably busy and exhausting. Yet I'm homesick for my family. I miss them, and James and Sarah Alice...and a certain bodyguard who is still occupying my mind. Liam is flying in tomorrow night to spend the weekend. I can hardly contain myself. I'm leaving the resort and meeting him at our usual place. It will be so great to see him and catch up on everything. Text info is only so good. Nothing beats our chats. I've missed him. I worry how he's dealing with Robbie without me as a buffer._

 _I am sitting on my bed after a long day, with a glass of that awful Whiskey that Jasper likes, (subconscious trying to tell me something?) going over my list…the Jasper one. I think I've finally got a grasp on it all. I've read and reread it until it's imprinted on my brain. I've used the pro/con theory to work it out. Still, I'm unsure if my decision is right. I want to talk to Liam and get his advice. He's usually shit when it comes to relationships or advice, but he knows us both so well. Maybe this time he'll understand where I'm coming from. Twin thing….no one knows me better._

 _One final read….._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

One final read…..

First: The Christmas Gift- **"I didn't get you anything."** _He lied, again. He stood in front of me and told me he didn't feel right taking a gift from me. That he felt suffocated. That I shouldn't miss him. That he didn't want to get or write letters anymore. That I shouldn't have given him any more chances. That he didn't deserve them. And he walked out and broke my heart. The day that started out so wonderfully, had ended with a huge crash. All thanks to Jasper and his Jasper code. Why didn't he trust me? Tell me the truth and let me help him work it out? Why does he feel he has to take everything on his own shoulders? We were supposed to be there for each other. Instead he broke my heart and left me. Left me with a million questions and no answers._

 _I know now it was his warped Jasper way of trying to protect me. Once you read my Storybook, you can't help but see the love that was put into it. His and Sarah Alice's. The first time I read it my mind was flooded with memories of Jasper and I. The first time we kissed at the Masquerade Ball. When I knew it was what I wanted, not what he blackmailed from me. How much he infuriated me as he followed me around Europe after Dad's death, watching over me, and then showed up at the Polo match as if he belonged there. Confident as can be. His calm as he pushed the button at the Kings Cup when I couldn't bring myself to do it. Protecting me from the burden. The feeling that hit me as he pulled me in close and made our way out of the stadium. That evening in the library when he spoke the first true words of how he felt about me. "You take my breath away". After I had tortured him all day at the music festival with other guys. When I overheard him describe me as a true Princess to Sarah Alice. My heart overflowed that day and I wanted nothing more than to be in Jasper's arms. When he told me he wanted "this", he wanted "me" and "only me". The memories invoked by that book. All happy. And when I reflect on them, they show me how much he loves me, what he'd do to protect me and how safe I feel with him. Why was I surprised when he finally admitted it? He's shown it all along._

 _And the necklace. A symbol of him giving me his heart. How much sweeter could anything be. I've worn it every day since I left. I wonder if he'd be surprised to know that? That it makes me feel safe and at home._

 _Yes, he lied. About all of it. But this time he admits it_.

Second: **"I want to be with you for the rest of time and that's what I intend to do"**

 _How can he say that? After all the times he's left me, and come back, and left me. Lied to me, blackmailed me, tried to steal from me, then cheated on me with my Mum, of all people. All the chances I've given him. The times I've forgiven him. Just to turn around and do it again. How can I trust him to keep his word? What crazy thing will take him away next? He says he never could have left if he'd gotten the letter. But he did. He left and took my broken heart with him._

 _He knows I have trust issues. He's known all along. I know he has them too. God knows we both have a problem with commitment._

 _But I miss him. Every time he was gone, I was miserable. How many times had I texted him? How many nights had I checked my phone and then cried myself to sleep? How many trips to the library to check that "damned" book for a letter? How many nights had I gone clubbing and drinking to forget him? Why did I feel the need to sleep on "His side" of the bed? On his pillow? Why wasn't I able to just let him go when he left?_

 _Every time he came back, I was happy. Relieved. Even if I did do my best to ignore him and make him pay for leaving. I chose to forgive him for all of it. I realize now, I never feel happier, safer, more secure, more ME, than when Jasper is there with me. The rest of time is a long time. I wonder…could we do it? Can I trust him? Will he trust me?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Third: " **Happily Ever After, it's real and we're going to find it-together."**

 _A line from my Storybook. Really? How can he believe that? We've neither one ever had "Happy", let alone for "Ever After". Nor have we deserved it. Our lives have been Fucked Up and we've caused it. I wasted so many years drinking, clubbing, being hungover or stoned and not taking responsibility for myself, never mind anyone or anything else. Jasper has spent his life as a con man, a thief, a liar. It's all he knew. It's how he grew up. We are far from storybook characters. More like a horror story or a bad fairytale._

 _I have changed. I've realized that I can be and do something with my life. Dad believed in me. I plan to live up to that as best I can. I hate that he was disappointed in me. I'm working to be better, do better. Make him proud. Jasper has changed too. I like to think I had a hand it that. He claims Jasper 2.0 is more reliable, less stubborn than he was and Sorry for his former version. He is right, but he still needs to learn to trust. Especially me._

 _I know we are perfect for each other. I meant it when I told him that. When he was freaked out in the tunnels about everyone's opinion. And Beck. What a day that was. We are an unlikely pair, but perfect together. I meant it when I said it, and I know it is still true. The only perfect times I can remember of late are when I'm with Jasper. Can there be a Happily Ever After waiting for us? Could we find it if we were together? Do we dare to think we may deserve it? Us?_

Fourth: **"I know being with me isn't easy."**

 _He's never spoken truer words that that! It's been hard from the start. His blackmail, my blackouts, the mind games, the deception, lies, my Mum, the chances given and taken, the heartbreaks, have all been difficult. The last time, when I came thru the fire, was anything but easy, It was so hard. Because I loved him so much. I don't think I could do it again. My heart can't handle another break, nor can my mind._

 _It isn't easy, but he's right, I'd be bored if it was easy. Jasper is a challenge. It's what I enjoy. The cat and mouse between us makes my heart race. The constant unknown gives me something to look forward to. Being with me isn't very easy either. My family, the drugs, the drinking, the things I've done to make him jealous. I really think now I'd like some calm in my life. Maybe we can figure that out together. How to work calm into the Not Easy. Calm together might be nice._

 _My ShitShow of a life is anything but easy. Only Jasper has hung in there and been a steady constant in my life. He said he'd never given up on me. Ever. And he hasn't. Have I given up on him?_

Fifth: " **You deserve something that inspires you and makes your heart race" "I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay, or I want to come with you, but I want you to be exactly who you want to be"**

 _I deserve something that inspires me and makes my heart race. Doesn't he see that he inspired me and made my heart race? That he broke my heart when he left? How can he want me to stay when he's always leaving? Why would I let him come with me after just making my way back from him? I can't trust him now, and I don't think he ever trusted me. That's why I had to leave. I have to do this for me. To be whom I want to be. Need to be. Sebastian will make sure of that. He'll keep things calm and comfortable for me._

 _Yet when I think back, Jasper has always supported me and let me be exactly who I wanted to be. He's been my personal cheer leader. Accepted me just as I was, no matter how bad that might have been. He pushed me to clean up my act, to do what I loved, to make something of myself. He encouraged me and Never tried to change me. He let me figure it out and make my own decisions. Not like Beck who wanted to remake me into his version of a Princess. Jasper thinks I'm a real princess all the time, exactly like he told Sarah Alice. That people love me because I'm true to myself and do what I want to do no matter what anyone thinks. He's a large part of that. Me being able to be who I want and do what I want._

 _Jasper does believe in me. Whatever version I may be. He never spoke truer words than that day. And I loved him completely for them. He's inspired me and made my heart race, and he doesn't even know it. Maybe I should tell him?_


End file.
